I'm trying to assimilate what I'm learning here with things that are going on in my life. I'm hoping for advice or maybe people who have experienced something similar. Knowing that this is all a simulation, and that ultimately all our suffering is an illusion, how do you reconcile being hurt or misrepresented by other people? How do you exit the good/bad duality when other people see you as the "bad guy" and tell untrue or exaggerated stories to support that?
I have two instances in recent years where I have stood up for myself or set boundaries and have become the "bad guy" in someone else's story. One is a complicated but ultimately trivial legal issue that has been going on for years and involves people who are dishonest. Those people have painted me as a villain in their story for saying "no" to something they asked me for, lied and misrepresented me. Its really hurtful. I used to really hate all of them but in the past year I've been focusing on sending them love and wishing the best for them which is so hard but has helped me exit the cycle of hate. But I still feel hurt by their lies and wish I could detach or something, for my own sake.
The second was a "school" that I got involved in that turned out to be a cult. After being in it for a year, I pushed back against some things that the leader was doing (basically lying about other members) and as a result I got shunned/ostracized. The leader started telling absolutely untrue lies about me and I have lost a significant amount of my social circle.
In both cases, both sets of people have very strong beliefs in good/bad, us vs. them, right/wrong. I have made minor, very human normal mistakes (mostly in communication, and never have I intentionally hurt anyone in either of these situations) but I never imagined I would be painted as the villain in such drastic ways. I don't want to call this dualistic shit in anymore. I have made a lot of progress in letting go of my own dogmatic thinking, but I'm finding it hard truly detaching from the good/bad stories others tell about me.
Thanks for any advice or guidance you might give.💚
Take it from a trans woman who is the villain in a lot of people's stories. The only opinion that matters, is yours.
Think of the experiences you have as basically training to help you get there. Do you see yourself as the villain? Why? In my own case, what I have learned is that it only hurts if I also believe it myself. So I need to come to understand why I believe these negative things about myself, and that is what the simulation is here for. It is the space for us to explore these things.
There of course can be many different reasons why you believe it. It could be anything from you lacking confidence in yourself (in the case that the accusations are false), to you having opportunity to grow (in the case that the accusations hold some truth). But it is up to you to work through the why and to find truth in the matter. And that takes time. You cannot be expected to instantly be at the end of your journey. It takes time and repetition to realign yourself and embed the necessary changes, but as long as your intentions are truly set on being the best version of you that you can be, eventually you will get there, and you will have confidence to stand strong in who you are :) When that happens, you can't be hurt. You can't take offense. You are just at peace, as you are a fully realized person!