How do I develop love?

It all comes back to loving yourself. Which is a neverending journey, I’d say.

Over the past few months I have been trying to understand where my shadows are, as a part of healing. A lot of the recommendations will state taking a look at what triggers you so you can acknowledge the emotion you feel in those cases. I feel x because y, or I feel x because it reminds me of z. I wouldn’t say that I am one who is triggered often, so for me I think a lot of the healing was inner child stuff. Finding precisely what those were was not easy! It’s not at the front of one’s mind when it has been lurking there most of your life.

Another element of healing for me at the moment is unblocking and balancing chakra. This is kind of fresh for me in some regards but I think I’m finding my way. I can see this as a road to a better me.

Another thing that has been helpful in my understanding is just how much being accepting and loving of all aspects of yourself matters. When you do not see, acknowledge, and love those parts of you, you’re creating problems you will need to address someday. Proper space needs to be made for feeling what you feel so you can release those things and grow. Just how real and substantial those parts of you are is something that has surprised me lately. See these parts of yourself and embrace them with love.

So, why heal? Because without the shadows you are more of your authentic self. When you are more of your authentic self you are at your best but also in the best condition for everyone.

I think more meditation would surely help. That’s not crazy at all. The irony is for me the medicine seems bitter (read: less appealing than a multitude of distractions) so I avoid it even though I know it helps. But the recommendation definitely directs me back on track. Thank you

I know others have weighed in already, for me I can feel it and tap into it, it's more natural and just there. It wasn't always. It's going to sound corny but I think of it like Star Wars and the force. It's an energy present everywhere. For me it was all about awareness.

I haven't gone through what you have, but I wonder if meditation would help. The more I go in the more I find I'm better tuned to detect love and be love. Really my awareness of everything improves. Maybe there's more for you to tap in to that way, that in turn increases your access to that energy?

Here's my schpeal, best consumed with cookies and a tasty drink. It's a mini novel.

For a long time I had no idea what love really felt like, just stupid ideas of it. I could feel it, had it, I'm a loving person, but it was a different level of it.

When my first kiddo was born it was like I leveled up and became aware of love like I had never before. Way more. Fast forward to about the end of 2023 and I got hit with Love, in force, while meditating. It felt similar to the days my kids were born, but leveled up again. It was even more intense, an even stronger energy. So I'm more aware of love as an energy, and it's a higher intensity overall.

Anyway, the more I meditate and open myself up, the more I can feel it, and I'd say the intensity continues to rise. I don't have expert level knowledge on the do's and don't of meditation, I've been along for the ride in my limited experience of a little over a year doing it. But I can tell it has helped me greatly.

Nowadays, I can kind of call upon it, or it just finds me during the day. It's everywhere, all is one, all is love.

As far as giving and receiving, love, base line I'm more loving but it's still an awareness/conscious thing for me to offer up to others and things. But it's there much more now as an abundance that it's easy to give, it flows naturally.

Maybe all to say, I think I had to get to a level, to get to another, and another. Maybe more practice of meditation can help bring more awareness and it just comes to you. And maybe I'm crazy and this is all something else too.

Sorry that was so wordy, but if it helps you any bit at all, well I hope it does!

Thank you everyone for your responses, well-wishes, and sharing your own challenging experiences. :) After I made the post, I decided to go on an all-day hike in some regional parks. Midway through I checked the first few replies and it was heartening to receive such warm messages. And reading the rest has given me much to think about and meditate on. I thought I'd share some photos I took on my hike as a peek into my life yesterday as the replies came in.

For me, love is a spiritual essence that animates my existence. Depression can be a hard thing to go through, so I am sending you lots of hugs and warmth during your journey. Love is connection. It's becoming part of a whole. Maybe that's why we see it expressed often in romance. While that's my favorite sort of love, I don't think it's limited to only that form. Love is universal connection, knowing that you are one with all things in some way or another. 💓💓💓

I think it is really interesting that love is basically the connecting force of all. Because as someone who has faced deep dark depression for much of my life, I can now see how in some way, it was always the state of being disconnected. I was disconnected from those around me, or from my own needs and my true desires and purpose. Or, in the case of my years in existential despair as an athiest, from the gcs itself.

And when I think of the times I was as far from depression as I have been? In those times what I remember is the most intense feeling of love. And these were the times that I was the most connected. Connected to the people in my life, connected to my purpose and my heart's desires, connected through that sense of belonging to something greater.

I don't know yet how to cross from one extreme to other. You would think I would, considering that I have done it many times. But I know it is possible. Just keep seeking connection, and it is bound to snap into place eventually.

For me, reading how love is the all driving force in the universe helped me to see it everywhere. Everything was created by love. Also, being around different types of people in the past helped me to understand people better, so I can remove judgement as best as possible. As in, removing judgement helps to open up love for people! What also helps me to constantly stay in love with myself and people is knowing what you have been through. No one else does, and I’m sure you have been in dark places too. Being happy and enthusiastic around people generates positive feedback loops in your surroundings and with other people. Being enthusiastic is a MUSCLE you gotta grow, and the more you practice anything, the easier it is!

1.) Just start by smiling throughout your day. Seeing other people smiling makes me smile :) it is almost contagious. It will help you to start generating love.

2.) Sometimes, you won’t always feel love all the time! It takes practice and focus, until it becomes an unconscious unconditional love you develop (and you will)

3.) Think about things that make you happy! This website makes me so happy everytime I think about it. You could use this! Being grateful also helps to develop daily love. SpaceRat said it best with the food. I like to thank everyone for growing and processing my food, but a simple “thank you animal/plant for your life” helped me a lot.

Depression is something I e struggled with a lot. I find it's often a matter of perspective- we can't see where we are or where we're going and feel lost. Sometimes getting out of your own head, whatever that looks like to you, can help. Often times too you need to give yourself permission to feel happy. Numbing things can help you get through things but it can also give up your perspective- you don't know where your tongue is when it's all novacained up from the dentists, as an example, so it can be hard to get that sense of space again. That said do what you gotta do, we aren't meant to "feel" things constantly or put unnecessary guilt on ourselves.

Recently I've had success by prioritizing learning about how the brain works and psychology and meditation to try and get a handle on things from the physical side too. Knowing that your brain is mad because it doesn't want to feel scared or in pain instead of of there being something "wrong" with you helps- brain is just doing its job it's just that it's evolved to protect from tigers in the jungle and not existential doom scrolling or office politics, but it's the only signal it has.

I’ve struggled with depression most of my life too, and my heart is with you there.

Sometimes life has you so down, it’s hard to look up.

Something I’ve found helpful lately is, well, gratitude. I know that whole #blessed vibe got mocked, but that’s because real gratitude isn’t just for clicks and likes (attention).

It’s because I recently had this thought (and tbh pretty sure it didn’t come from me so there’s that, heh) —

Perfect love casts out fear.

And perfect love is saying thank you.

That’s been my guidepost these last couple of weeks. I don’t know if that’s helpful to anyone, but I felt sort of … compelled to comment, I suppose we could say. And I’ve been trying to flow with that instinct more lately.

Be well, friend. And remember — all you can do is your best. 💚

This is a phenomenal question and you have some great answers. I will share something though. I really needed to get rats before I learned how to really love like how I do now. This is probably a special case and I don't reccomend it. But what they taught me, is to just slow down a bit. Look at the bird in the sky or the bug in the grass. See how they are just living their life? Doin their best? Isn't that cool? How does that make you feel?

Think about when you eat, where did it all come from? The farmers, the land, what had to happen in order for the seed to sprout or the animal to be born? There is an uncountable amount of this food. How did you get this specific one at this time, what had to happen to have that happen?

Think about your pets, or a friend, or family, someone you really care for. You would do things for them and not expect anything back right? That's love!

Try to think about something you like to do very much! Would you say you love it? How does it feel when you do this thing? Does it impact you for a length of time after, maybe even improving your mood?

These are all things to consider, when it comes to finding the answer on how to love. I would suggest you journal about some of this stuff, or write a list of things you already love. Examine why it makes you feel that way. Is it just, is, do you feel this love just, because? Okay that's kinda what we are looking for here! So keep working on it, keep going! And know I belive in you and know you got this. If you want any help feel free to message me!

I understand what it's like to be depressed. To feel like there's no hope. I still have those times where I am just like, ugh, living. Everything, really and truly, will be okay. I promise even if it doesn't feel like it right now. You are so loved, don't forget it! I think you're doing wonderful by asking these questions. Hang in there friend!

One thing that helps me cultivate love in my life is to observe, learn, or imagine stories about the natural world and everyday objects in my life. If you eat an apple for breakfast, you can think about the bee that pollinated the flower, the ground that nourished the tree, the people that harvested the apple and transported it, and all the energy that went into this delicious miracle that you can hold in your hand.

You can do this with every bird, creature, cloud, smell, article of clothing, etc etc. You can think about how the water that you drink has been cycled around the planet millions of times. And how the annoying stone in your shoe was once part of a mountain.

So for me, learning to love the stories behind all the things that surround me, fills my "bucket" of love for the whole earth simulation and helps me find joy in the mundane.

Depression and anxiety are no joke and I'm sending you lots of hope for healing.

What I'll say about love is that the less you view it as affection and more of a "life-giving force" the more you'll understand it better. It's not to say it doesn't amount to things like affection, romance, friendship, kinship, nurture, care, compassion, and wisdom - it's more that these attributes are byproducts of the primordial force.

Love is quite literally an energy.

A force.

It is the breath of the spirit, so to speak. If one wishes to develop more in it, that's why I always recommend meditation. Void meditation in this case is to turn off the thoughts or at least, don't give them focus while you allow yourself to breathe. Simply feeling the touch of your spirit allows you to feel love.

Since it is something that you want, then don't give up on it. The first step is to know it exists, then the second is to desire it. The third is to take the path toward it which can involve mistakes, setbacks, trials and tribulations but as long as you never give up, you will find it.

How it comes to you is deeply a personal journey, so don't feel as if you need absolute answers from anything or anyone like a bible. Once it is your wish to find it, you will because he who seeks shall find.